On Rejection: It goes both ways

       At my school, we have a Facebook page where people can submit anonymous stories about people they've seen around - it's used primarily to either compliment people and give a shoutout, or to criticize someone doing something socially unacceptable (eg. taking up 3 seats with their belongings on a crowded bus).
       When it's the former, I constantly see instances where, for example, a guy has submitted a post saying he saw a pretty girl but he's too shy to approach her/didn't have the time to do so, and other people on the page will comment and tell him to 'stop being a wimp and go talk to her! Girls like it when people approach them!'. I've seen this same kind of thing when a girl has mentioned noticing a cute guy too, but it's more frequently the other way around.

       And speaking as a girl, I have the following to say:

       Not all of us like the random dude walking up to us and complimenting us. (This is not referring to catcalling, that's a whole other issue I'll address later). Some of us, like me, are shy or have social anxiety and don't like being singled out in public. That's not the fault of the guy/girl doing the approaching, it's just a fact and isn't true for everyone, but is true for enough people that it should still be kept in mind.
       Now, on to the next problem: the rejection. When an approach is shot down or not received well, it's usually considered the fault of the approachee. They're considered too judgmental or rude, or heaven forbid, 'shallow'. But that's not usually the case, it actually hinges on three things:

1) The person making the approach. Yes, while it is unfortunate, it is possible that the person approaching is not the right 'type' for, or not considered attractive by, the person they're trying to talk to. HOWEVER, before dismissing girls as 'bitchy' or 'stuck-up' because of this, consider the following scenario.
       If a girl is hypothetically more likely to be receptive to a good-looking, well-dressed guy coming up to talk to her than someone who's not her type, or really grungy-looking, SO WHAT? Unless they act disgusted by your appearance like Cher from Clueless, it's not shallow for them to say they're simply not attracted to someone.

       Besides, guys do the exact same thing. Think about it this way: How many times in a movie or TV show has a guy been 'embarrassed' because some 'nerdy', awkward girl has a crush on him? And nobody ever questions his reaction. Yet, if it was an attractive, 'popular' girl showing him the same attention, he'd be interested, or at the very least flattered. The rejection only comes because he perceives that first girl as 'beneath' him, and therefore their attempts are seen as 'creepy', 'desperate', and unwanted. It's a total double standard. (And then there's that Cinderella-moment where the nerd girl is revealed to actually be gorgeous beneath her glasses and baggy clothing, yadda yadda ugh).

I'm just gonna leave this here...

       The genders in this situation can be reversed (or made the same) and it's just as true. I'm not saying this is okay, or that this is the way things should be, or that nerds aren't worthy of love (as one, I feel very strongly about this!) I'm just saying that everyone is equally guilty of this kind of reaction, myself regrettably included. But as I said before, this is by no means the only reason for rejection. So if you get rejected, it's probably because of one of the other two reasons - and even if it is this one, I'm sure there is someone out there whose type you definitely are, or who is at least compassionate enough to give you a chance rather than rejecting you outright.

2) Their mood. This is a big one. The same person on a different day may have a totally different reaction. Try to judge the situation first. If they're on their own - Do they look relaxed and approachable? Or do they look tense and grumpy?? This should be a no-brainer. Are they hurrying somewhere? If so, then probably don't interrupt them, because they're less likely to respond favourably if they need to get somewhere and you're holding them up.
       Are they with other people? Often this is a moot point, because people don't like approaching large groups. But even if you're fine with it, this may make the other person uncomfortable or embarrassed because they're being singled out in front of their friends. And please don't approach anyone with a large group of your own friends standing with you/looking on. This only serves to make the object of your attention more uncomfortable, like they're being ambushed. Even in front of total strangers - please don't follow them down the hall, or be like some guy that stood in front of my friend while she was clearly on the phone, as an attempt to get her attention. Have some manners.

3) Above all, this is about how you approach them. Pick-up lines are immature and stupid.

Even this one is borderline-weird. EVEN THIS ONE.

       If you think someone is attractive, tell them that, be straightforward, and be sincere. Don't act like you think you're doing them a favour by noticing them. Don't make creepy sexual-innuendo jokes. And don't yell at them from a distance, because that's embarrassing for them too (and will embarrass you if they shut you down). So go up to them, maintaining a respectable distance, but close enough that everyone in the room can't hear you. Sound complicated? It's really not. If you give someone a genuine compliment in a respectful manner, it might make their day better. Or you might at least make a new friend if they're not interested in you romantically.
    
       I'm going to use myself as an example. When I was in first year, I was alone, going down a crowded staircase, and some dude walking past me up the stairs yelled after me, "Hey miss, excuse me!" I turned around, thinking I might have dropped something. He then asked me "Do I know you?" and I said no, because I was new to the area and I also have a very good memory for faces, and didn't recognize him. After asking me if I was sure, he asked where I was from. When I told him I was from a city far away from our school, he then asked where I was living. A little creeped out at this point, I told him the name of one of the residence buildings I didn't live in, and when he asked what room, I then told him I was late for meeting a friend (which was partly true) and started to leave. Then he asked if he could 'call me sometime'. I basically just yelled 'No thanks!' and ran down the stairs.
         Now, I'll be the first to admit that this guy was not someone I would have been attracted to. But that wasn't really the problem. If a cute guy had shouted after me the same way, or asked the same personal questions, I promise you I would have had the same reaction. It wasn't that I found him unattractive, it was the fact that he was shouting down the stairwell from a landing above me, where there were tons of random people around to see and hear us (I didn't particularly want them knowing where I lived, either!). And as my friend put it when I told her, he basically just 'stopped me and then proceeded to interrogate me', which came across as both creepy and awkward. He didn't introduce himself, provide any reason for wanting to know where I lived, and I was pretty sure he was lying about recognizing me, too. In addition to all that, as mentioned earlier, I am pretty shy about meeting new people and hate being put on the spot. So even though I had every right to be uncomfortable, I felt like I didn't know what to say and probably would have turned bright red had the interaction gone on any longer.
        If the same guy had come up to me in a more low-key manner, such as while I was sitting in the cafeteria, introduced himself and tried to start a conversation (rather than just asking me a list of questions), I would have been much more likely to talk to him politely, in spite of my shyness. If I still didn't want to continue the conversation further, I would have felt comfortable enough - comfortable being the key word here - to let him down tactfully and discreetly, instead of just shouting 'no!' and running away. Which may or may not have embarrassed him - I really don't know (and to be frank, I don't much care).

       And above all, if you are rejected, remember to be nice about it. The rejection may hurt, but turning around and being rude right back definitely isn't going to make your situation any better. It's totally okay to mumble something like 'sorry to bother you/thank you for your time' and slink away (but DON'T expect them to chase after you and change their mind). It's also totally okay to make some kind of self-depreciating joke to diffuse the tension (just don't insult them too, or make it sound like a guilt-trip). And for Pete's sake, respect their decision. Don't question it, especially if they tell you they have a significant other/don't swing your way. That quickly becomes annoying and rude. If they simply don't give you a reason, don't try to beg/coerce them to change their mind. That's a little sad. If they were polite to you, return the favour. If not, be the bigger person. They probably won't change their mind after the fact, but at least they likely won't think ill of you later if you handle it gracefully.

       To those (both girls and guys) who are on the receiving end of genuine, benign, unwanted attention - try to be nice too. (Obviously, if you really feel uncomfortable, social niceties should not be your first concern). But if they're harmless enough and you're really just not interested, let them down gently, say something like 'sorry' and don't make a big deal out of it. If they still call you a 'jerk' or a 'bitch' for rejecting them, that's their problem, not yours (and it's a good thing you didn't get involved with them!).

As for catcalls? I think I'll let Jessica Williams handle this one...